MAL'SrandomSPACE

Mariah's

2009-07-10T02:16:00.000-07:00

"I Stay In Love"

Oh baby
Baby, I stay in love with you

Dying inside 'cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you don't know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's a mistake if we just erase it
From our hearts and minds and I know

[Chorus:]
We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
'cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gonna act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is
Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone
Now go I know

[Chorus x2]

I stay in love
Love
Oh, I stay in love.

---
I hate it that I can relate to this song. I don't want to relate to songs like this.
It is sad and pathetic.
Maybe I am sad.
Maybe I am pathetic.
The song just says it all. All.

Over.

2009-07-08T21:34:00.001-07:00

We broke last July 7, 2009. To be specific, you broke up with me in an offline message. Cool. I am really sad right now and very confused. I did not really understand what your reason was. I read the message three times and thought twice if it was a break up message. Then, I saw your status in friendster and you are now listed as single. Then, I am pretty sure that was a break up message right there.

How could it be so easy for you?
Why did you do it in an offline message?
Why?

Those are just the things I want to ask.

But I don't really want to get the answers right now. Maybe I am afraid of the answers.

I'll get my answers later, maybe.

But for now, I will let you be.

It was 1999

2008-06-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

Category: Music
Genre: Pop
Artist: Verve Pipe

***This song makes me weep inside. I don't know why. It brings me to an untouched territory, that corner of me.
-----

Freshmen

When I was young and knew everything
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now Im guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a babys breath and a shoe full of rice

I cant be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I wont be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me
I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
Wed never comprimise

For the life of me
I cannot believe
Wed ever die for these sins
We were merely freshman

My best friend took a weeks
Vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks worth of
Valium and slept

Now hes guilt stricken sobbing with his
Head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really
Wept he says
Weve tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how were guilt stricken sobbing with our
Heads on the floorWe fell through the ice when we tried not to
Slip, wed say

Boredom.

2008-06-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

I woke up at around 5:00 am. Tried to go back to sleep but can't. I turned to the book I started reading yesterday. It's Dean Koontz' Dragon Tears. Read, read, read. Then I decided to go down and smoke.

You kno how it is when you feel restless, like you want to do something but don't kno what you want to do. It is just frustrating. I decided to go here at work even if it is my day off. And I decided to write, eventhough I don't kno what to write about.

Sigh.

I'll try to think about something and I'll write some more.

Mal is Back.

2008-06-03T14:55:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it? The last time I wrote here was January 2007? Dayum. So it has been that long, huh. Where have I been? Lost, I think. I was lost and now I'm found.

A lotta things happen the past year. I was caught up with all those important and non-improtant things that I was not able to write anymore. Shame.

But I plan to write more now.

Zzzzz

2007-01-31T18:40:00.000-08:00

this blog has been sleeping for such a long time already.

time to wake up.

i think.

Sick..NOT (no more)

2006-11-19T09:38:00.000-08:00

I was down with fever fa three days, sore throat, and aches here and there. It was hellish. It started in the middle of my shift at work. I had slight fever then, but decided to get on with the shift, hoping to get better after taking paracetamol. But ye, the fever stuck. When I get to my place, I was so feverish, I cried. I was crying, wishing I was home. Realized it's hard to get sick when you're far from home, far from mami, sniffs. I cried myself to sleep. You know how it is when your sick , you feel helpless and you think you're so 'kawawa'. *sigh*

But I'm better now. Not sick no more of that tonsilopharyngitis thingie and.... that thing.

Bummer.

2006-11-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

Isn't it frustrating that when you finally decided to give someone that chance to penetrate your life, he's not in for the grabs? Just when you finally believed in the possibilities of having magical experiences with this someone, he's gone uninterested.

Fate playing tricks again, just plain bad luck, or being stupid again, it doesn't matter.

The fantasy was not real.
Period.

So Sick.

2006-10-29T20:21:00.002-08:00

I feel like shit today.
Head achin like fuck.
Colds.
Cough.
Puffy eyes.
Slight chills.
:(

I needa curl up in bed today.

I wanna go home to Batangas.
I will feel much better there.
I feel safer there, safe from everything, from anything lethal.

COLDs.

2006-10-28T18:04:00.000-07:00

*the bodily disorder
*the temperature
and
*that thing you turned into when you lose the fire.

Got all of it.

*shivers*

:D

2006-10-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

---
When we took this pic, we didn't talk about doin the funnii face. It was realli random. Haha.

The Tummi Butterflies.

2006-10-24T12:37:00.000-07:00

Them butterflies flyin' the minute before I log on the phones.

Fly~
Fly~
Fly~
The butterfly~

Flyin inside my tum tum~

Im back....

2006-10-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

I was away for so long from work that I nearli jumped off of my reckliner when I got my first call. Well, I'm jumpi ye, but the drumbeat while I was taking the calls, dammmmmmn. My heart's drumbeat, babiii, o yeee. Haha. You remember in high school, whenever you see your crush, there's that drumbeat that onli you can hear, and you realize it wus just your heart thumping? Haha. That same frigiin beat man. But I miss it, as much as I miss having the real drumbeat when I see someone.

Maleen is back to her magicless existence.

The Trip.

2006-10-22T13:08:00.000-07:00

We planned the trip for almost a month. And ye, it's done now. But I can still feel the fun at the tip of my toenails. The Baguio climate was perfect. Lotsa cute guys. Purrrfect. We left Manila 3pm,October 14th. We didn't waste anytime, right after we unpack, we set foot to finding a place to parti. We went to this bar called Albertos. It wus jampacked wit people. And it wus hella hot inside. We danced and drank. Twus fun. Not bad fa the first night.

Next day (Sunday, October 15), we go shop fa things, taking pictures on the side. Then we went to the mall to have coffee (at koffia) and took pictures (again). The sunset at the balconi of the mall where we are having coffee was breathtaking. It got darker and the view took my breath so far away, it took all of me, and for a split second, I understood once again to be in love. That night we didn't go out. We decided to drink at that place where we be staying. We had tequilas. Yuuuummm. The plan was, shot or dare. If you don't wanna take the shot, then it's a dare fa you. But ye ye, we were all hardii and everyone took all of em shots. But the winner that night was Virgii. Haha. She was sooo dead drunk, she was talkin in her sleep. Then I went and ask her questions and she didn't disappoint us, she was answering. Haha. We got that recorded in my phone. Yey. I'll transcribe everything, Virgii. Haha. We laughed and I cried and I got spooked and I got mad wit Red. Sounds fun. I mean, From F to the U to the friggin N.

Next day (Monday, October 16th), the three other people who were with us left that day. Anne, Virgii and Ace. But Red's partner, Rim arrived earli that day. So, all four of us were left. Of course, we shop again, then we had coffee at koffia. Kyla's uncle was with us. That night, we had some sorta miscommunication. Haha. But we were able to patch things and we went out. That night turned out so well. We got back to the hotel realli realli realli drunk, except for Kyla. That mean concoction that we had wassss pretti hard. Haha. The bar calls it lethal injection. And man, it was the shit. That shit got me high. Man, twus one helluva night. But definiteli grrrrrreat.

Next day (Tuesday, October 17th), we just had rest the whole day. Then we got the news that Red will be off to China on the 28th. Sad. So, Rim and him didn't join us that night. They wanted some time alone, for them to talk. So we left them. So, it wus just us, gurls who went out. Kyla and I was realli wishing to meet friends when we went to that bar we had been the other night, the lethal injection bar. Haha. So, ye. We ordered margaritas. Not too many people though, cuz it wus a tuesday night. So, ye. Then one of the djs approached us and talked to kyla. Then this other dj who was also serving tables gave us tequilas. This guy from the other table ordered it for us in exchange for my number. Haha. Funny. Of course I don't wanna give out my number without even knowing the person, ya? So, Kyla was still talkin to this DJ. Name is Jovic. And I was just sitting there sippin my margarita, and puffing and having fun. Hehe. The guy who gave us margaritas wouldn't wanna go to our table and talk to us. So, ya. Haha. And damn, I wus like, how can I even drink this free margarita when I don't even know who bought it. I felt like we (me and kyla) were two fishes in an aquarium. Haha. Felt like someone is staring and waiting for us to do something stupid. Hehe. Then the people from the table where the free margarita came from left, so we were able to drink the margarita. Haha. Our mission that night was accomplished. We met this realli realli cool guys. The DJ's in this bar (DJ Jovic, Jun, JP, Pots). They finna invited us to join the "after party" at this JP's place. We went to the after party, and man they were nice and and it was all clean. Then they finna invited us to their cook out later that day.

Wednesday (October 18), we're suppose to go home after lunch. But of course, the new found friends invited us to the cook out. So, we checked outta the hotel at 1pm, then Jovic picked us up and went to JP's place. Then ye. We drank and eat. And eat lots. Cupcake Jun's sinigang was the best. The tahong was delicious. And the sashimi was nice. We played video games, drank, eat more and drank more. It wus great to be wit fun people. Red and Rim was there too cuz they agreed to leave later. Everything went ok. First plan was to leave 12 midnight but of course what happened was, Kyla and I left the next day at 8am. But it was all fun. I can't stress more how fun it all wus. But all I can say is, we're definiteli goin back. Yey.

Oh Baguio, Baguio. I'll go back there and experience the magic once more.

G4H here anyone interested?????

2006-10-11T01:06:00.000-07:00

This gurl from work use that line often on chats. I don't know her personalli, but I saw her logs in the common PC at the pantry. She locked this chat client with her password. She forgot to turn off the logs though. So, ye. I opened one of her chat convos. Bad mal. Her story was, she left her house because of constant fights with her father. Touché. OK. She was pretti consistent. Everytime she's asked why she resorted to that 'job' fa money, that's always her answer. The deal is, P1,500 fa 3 hours, the guy pays the motel's rent, no anal and no swallow, but she can try, fa extra bucks. Good deal? Hmmm. Me and my friend went over the other chat convos and we found a URL of her pic and a friendster address. Of course, we saw her pic. It turned out to be someone we both don't know. But get this, I might paste the link here (or NOT?). Well, I usualli use the common pc in the pantry before my shift. There were just 2 desktops there. There's a possibiliti that I've waited in line with her for those two PC's alreadi.

Haven't gone through all the convos yet. But there's more to it. Soon. I'll tell ya.

Supergurl will kick your butt Green Lantern. Ha!

2006-10-10T22:26:00.000-07:00

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl		95%
Wonder Woman		90%
Robin		75%
Superman		75%
Green Lantern		75%
Spider-Man		60%
The Flash		60%
Hulk		50%
Iron Man		45%
Batman		40%
Catwoman		10%

Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

From a friend who will finna invent something for MAC and will give me that gorgeous set of MAC I want. :)

2006-10-10T19:33:00.000-07:00

"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible. "

Let's get rich.

2006-10-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

I am currentli readin this book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad. This talks about how you can handle your money and how money can work for you. I haven't read the half of it, but it looks like it's gonna be useful in getting all the money I want. Yey. Money may not buy happiness, but it can sure buy things that can make one happy. Lolz. Materialistic bitch. Haha. Don't be a hypocrite now and tell me money isn't important. But it is.

I qoute: Money is not the root of all evil, but the lack of it is. Agree or agree? Admit it, it's true. And I know you want to get rich too. So, ye. I definiteli recommend this book to y'all. This book will tell you how your secured high-paying job is not the answer to your equalli high debts. Get a second job or a third job? Won't resolve your money problems too. Ima find out what will and Ima get back to you. Winks.

The stoop is back, son!

2006-10-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

I feel stoops alreadi not bein able to write fa godame long. Hmmz. Ok, ok. A lotta things happened alreadi: the storm, my dad's bday, my discovery, the thingie here in the office, etc. It's just that one thing happens thenI'll figure it's too lame to write bout it, then another is I was too caught up with all the excitement that I forget to write about it, then the feeling goes away and poof! nothin to write about again. And there were times, that it was just too painful an event that I don't want anibody to read about it, so I bury it inside.

Now, it had been sooooo long that I forgot how to keep my fingers makin love with the keyboard. But ye. Ima write again and will find myself back to indulging the keyboard wit some good lovin.

Life is AMPEYR.

2006-10-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

My friend has a partner and side dishes on the side.

I am single and no one else on the side, back, and wherever else.

Himp.

It is just nooooooooo frick FAIR.

But ye. It wus ma choice anyways.
Fuck safe choices.

Hmf.

2006-09-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

No sleep again.
I was tryiiiiiiiiin.
You kno i did.
Hmf.
Gunna try once more.

my trip

2006-09-10T19:29:00.000-07:00

10-Night Mediterranean Cruise in Europe Itinerary
Sail Dates (6/6, 6/27, 7/18, 8/8) View Rates for this Cruise

Depart from Barcelona
Day at Sea
Palermo, Sicily
Naples
Olbia, Sardinia
Civitavecchia, Rome
La Spezia, Florence/Pisa
Marseilles, France
Villefranche, France
Day at Sea
Barcelona

ANYONE WANNA CUM?
LET'S GO SLEEP AND PLAY.

SIKE

2006-09-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

This is frustrating.
No YM and IRC.
Hmf.
The two things that make me sorta feel like I am still connected to a life form and the onli venues where I socialize: YM and IRC.
And them not working.
Hmf.
Haha.
I am pathetic.
Hahaha.
Next time I try to get a social life, remind me please that my socials shouldn't be boxed out into those two. Haha.
Well, I never realli tried. Seriousli.
How bout remindin me to try?
Right.

POOP.

2006-08-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

Pooey.

You are missed, ass.

Hmf.

Tutti Fruiti

2006-08-30T18:25:00.001-07:00

Call me weird, but ye, i am soooooo friggin kilig with the song going crazii. And it IS crazii, ye. To think that there is no one i sing this song to. *sighs*

I feel dumb to be like this - going gaga over a song. Hahaha. Damn. I feel like I am possessed or something.This song makes me want to be involved with someone again, get hooked with that love-drunk thing once more. Poop.

Ye.
This is stupid.
Haha.
And I am too, long time ago.

[none]

2006-08-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

Maleen's everyday life: EMPTY

EMPTY means
nothing fun happening.
doing the usual.
time passing by unnoticed.
excitement on the lowest possible level.
no flirt trips.
no bitch trips.
or simply, no trips.
no nothing.
looking forward to n-o-t-h-i-n-g, AT ALL.
no highlights.
no climax.
no conflict.
tacki storii.
tasteless.
ending the day wit a nonexistent note.

but yes, i do exagerrate sometimes.
and you shouldn't be asking why i do.
*shrugs*

my new

2006-08-27T20:37:00.000-07:00

ADDICTION

and believe me, addiction, means addiction fa real. haha.
but i can get over addiction in no time.
hmmm.

don't wish you be my addiction. believe me, you won't like it.

It is NO FAIR fa real. Tss tss.

2006-08-23T17:19:00.001-07:00

If you dress sexy, he says you're a slut.

If you don't dress nice, he says you're ugly.

If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn.

If you're quiet, he says you're stupid.

If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy.

If he calls you, he says you should be grateful .

If you lecture him, he'll say you're bitchy.

If he lectures you, it's because (he's CYKOE!.)

If you don't fuck him, he'll say you don't love him.

If you do, he'll say you're easy.

If you tell him your problems, he'll say you're irritating.

If you don't, he'll say you don't trust him.

If you don't love him, he'll try to win you.

If you love him, he'll leave you.

If you break a promise, you can't be trusted.

If he breaks it, he had to.

If you cheat... you expect it to be over.

If he cheats... he expects to be given another chance.

long forgotten.

2006-08-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

THE OLD BLOG

Hmmm.

2006-08-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

Say a homeless, beggar tells you that you were about to die in a week. Sounds familiar. Yes. It should be. I watched that Jolie's film 'Life or Something Like It' (again) last Saturdai. Course, I cried once more.

I don't know what I'm gunna do if I was Angelina there in that movie.

How bout you, what would you do?

Must be nice if you will know exactli when you're gunna die.
Must be nice, cause for sure you will do all the things that you won't do if you know you're not going home yet.

Just like what Jolie said in the movie:

Live life like it is your last.....

.... cause one day it will be.

Thas for sure, honeii.

CLICKitey click click.

2006-08-15T13:56:00.000-07:00

Will you still love me in the morning?

Forever and ever babe.

Forever and ever.

Forever.

Profound love: nowhere to be found; extinct

2006-08-13T13:39:00.000-07:00

Bridges of Madison County was the latest book I started on and was able to finish. (clap, clap, clap. haha.) It was the true life story of two people hooked and drawn to that kind of love which is so profound, something that is nonexistent nowadays (at least for me, you can quote me on that) The love they had was not that of the selfish love most people share.

At a time like ours, we won't find anything like that.

I see people fall in love so fast and fall out of it so much faster.
I see couple drifting apart.
I sense hearts breaking all the time.
Every minute, a new relationship is born.
But for every second, 5 or more relationships die.
Relationships break easily.

This is true and real.
I can feel it every waking moment.
And sips right through me everytime I try to sleep.
But I don't ask why.
I take it as it is.
I don't want to question the inevitable loss, the existence of nothing, and the barely-there thing left.
The answers might just confuse me all the more. Or I might find out that there were no answers really.

Robert Kincaid was definitely the last of the cowboys. They are gone now, but it's ok. That's how life rolls. I never get sad no more for the nonexistence of those beautiful things. I would have to live with life's imperfection. Just like Marilyn Monroe said, imperfection is beauty.

This profound love each of us wants may not exist no more, but we can create a love that is entirely our own, maybe far greater than that.

-------------

For all the Robert Kincaids who lived and died, my love goes out to you all.
For all the Francesca Johnsons, we do not have to wait for another Robert Kincaid, let's make a Robert Kincaid out of em bastards. We can do it because we're special like that.

*

2006-08-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

would you give up your happiness so that your happiness will finalli find it's happiness even if it means losing your only happiness?

i think i would.
did too.

what is.....

2006-08-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

LOVE?

it would take just one click, babii.
cum on.
do it.

I am happy when they are.

2006-08-05T20:49:00.000-07:00

Lukie and Jerome.
Sweetos and Athan.
Bhubeng and Mico.
Ate Jaiane and his Babii.
Red and Rim.
Ronnee and Jay.
Peyt and Butt.

*happi sigh*

at least i know love still exists.
that is enough.

hmmmF(uck!)

2006-08-05T20:44:00.000-07:00

baket amboring ng buhay ko?
wala man lan bago.
wala.
walaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
same old.
kakainis.
hmf.

RANTS.

what has been goin on

2006-07-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

1. nalate na naman ako paglog-in ngayon. sarap kse matulog. haha. minsan na nga lan ako magenjoi matulog di ba. cumon.

2. wala na si pinxiee. haaaaay. kakalungkot. namimiss ko sya. sobra.

3. napapayosi lit ako. tss. lateli.

4. umuwi ako sa min at walang ginawa kundi manood ng tv. well. ganyan talaga kapag sabik sa tv.

5. nabobore ako.

july realli is a rainy month.

2006-07-22T14:46:00.000-07:00

here came july.
and ye it has been pretti rainy.
and you kno what they say when it rains.
right.
it pours.
and once again, it did pour.

jinxed for the nth time, i'm used to it now.
but i still get that why-it-has-to happen-to-me feeling.
and what-have-i-done-wrong thought.

*sigh*

i dunno what to feel now.

haha.

holi crap.

i just lost my fon.
havin problems at home.
loosin my drive.
loosin it.
slowli.

funni, aint it?

and it can't get any funnier.
hahaha.

true???

2006-07-17T20:13:00.000-07:00

you look into the eyes of the person you love..
and you realize it can be the last time you will see them...
but you still wish for that person to have the best and you actually mean it..

that's love..

yes, i think.

love is the closest thing to magic.

***

2006-07-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

the people you need in your life are the ones who need you in theirs.

MOM

2006-07-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

i love you mommy.
please don't be sad now.
you know we''ll be there for you.
i know you're having a tough time right now.
but you know, we're here for you.
i love you mom.
please try to be happy despite all of this and that.
it will pass.
hopefully it will.
with God's help it will.
i know you're trying so hard to be strong for me, kati and kuya.
i am trying to be strong too.
for you.
if at times you feel like you all your strength are sipped up.
you know you can get strength from me.
just hang in there.
i got my hand for you.
and i got your back.
I love you so much.

Y'all

2006-07-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

Got a problem with me?
solve it.

Think im trippin' ?
tie my shoes.

Cant stand me?
sit the fuck down.

Cant face me?
turn the fuck around.

<3

2006-07-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

...it takes me miles

to where i feel unsure.

**

2006-07-11T18:27:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's been awhile. Hmm. Haven't written for so long.

blog

blog

blog

Hmf.

Maybe tomorrow.
Just maybe.
I can write something.

The Wishes.

2006-06-27T19:12:00.000-07:00

Sony VAIO VGN-FS850P/W 15.4" Notebook PC

**i soo like this.

P990

**beautiful

wishing on the rainbow..

**

2006-06-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

the SECRET to be happi:

NEVER EVER GET USED TO ANYTHING.

and the countdown begins.....

2006-06-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

5 more sleeps and it's my bornday. Gawd. I will be turning 23. Gonna turn into an old fart. Hmf. But that's ok. Age is just a number and so they say (and Ima scream it fa real!). Haha.

The past year has been great. It brought a lot of good things. I was sad every once in a freaky while. I am so used to it by now, so fuck it, I don't care. Haha. Isn't it amazing that at that time I was at my saddest, I was able to put on a smile on my dorkyzoidy face? And I'm telling you it ain't easy to front like that. It takes effort and of course, (ehem) talent. Winks.

Here's the list of the things I was thankful for the past year:

*Having the best family in the whole world. Mine's not the perfect little family but it sure is the one I would still want if I have to live again.

*Having my sisses through the thinnest of the thick and the thickest of the thin. Tsup tsup.

*Having my Beb and Bibi. I am sooo missing you two. Snifflez.

*Being able to go back to the basicness of life in my pretty little hometown.

*Being able to experience the minimum wage, other people so hated. It made me realize money's worth.

Time flies so fast. I don't know if I lived my life as a 22-year-old-fag like a fag would. Haha. I made some pretty big decisions this year. I made some mess. I made some stupid mistakes. Good thing is that I got another year to spend to do the bitch trip. Yey. Haha.

Well, for whatever, I lift it all up to Him.

I hope this year will bring me luck. I need it.

I still have 5 more days to enjoy my bein 22. Hmm. And yes, the last 5 days, I'm gonna be spending working. Sounds fun. *gwark*

Cumon people, make the 5 days left special. *wink wink*

Brakes on Please, Focus, then Breathe.

2006-06-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

I cAn't heLp it.

h

o

o

k

e

d

I don't wAnt anyone eLse.

you kno it.
so, believe it.
then claim it.
hmf.

pinxiee

2006-06-24T16:02:00.000-07:00

this is my new babii. yey. hihi. i thought of a name for her just now. PINXIEE. hihi. yes. wit 2 E's. winks. she is pretty and i love her.

***And ye. I can't think of what to write. And ye, I am a loser. Bummer. hmf.

I realized....

2006-06-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

I don't want someone who can make my heart beat fast.
What I want is someone who can make it skip a beat.
Make it skip. Skip. Skip.

untitled

2006-06-21T15:03:00.000-07:00

I didn't cry.
Coz I didn't wanna.
I went outside.
It is raining.
Cats and dogs.
I looked around.
The place not damped.
But my eyes were.
Poop.
I said, I will never cry.
But you made me.
Or I made me.
I will never do it again.
I will never say never.
Ever.

Current State

2006-06-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

BLISS. Function: noun. Text: a feeling or state of well-being and contentment
im lovin it. yes. mcdonalds.(and i say it like 'mikdonalds') haha.

**i like how my tounge curls whenever i say this word.

S E X

2006-06-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

Your eyes burning with desire.
I reached for your shivering hands
You grabbed my arm
I can hear your heart thumping
Sweats forming on your temple
We fell into a passionate embrace
I can feel the heat of your breath on my skin
I felt your tounge touching the curve of my neck
I shivered
Temperature rising
Down you went on kissing my shoulders
You want me
So bad
Then your lips met mine
My tounge ached for yours
Then finally found its way to get twisted with yours
Our hands found a way to uncover every inch of our body
Then we stand there both naked
Still lost
Lip locked
My body aches for more
More of that kiss and something else
His fingers slowly slid from my crown
Trailing a sensous line on my back
My body jerked from the sensation
He cupped my breast
I jerked even more
I ached for more
My back hit the floor
His body on me
He trailed kisses from my lips to my breast
His tounge swirling on top
I felt my body shaking
I moaned, begging for him not to stop
That ignited him
He submitted to my moans
I can feel his hardness
I felt it
Wanted it
And he knew from how my body responded to his touches
He knew what to do
Our body now locked
Him inside me
Myself going crazy
We moved to the beat
The rythm was just right
My inside exploding
That one final thrust made us free
It was so good
Fuck, it was
It was fuck.
Nothing more, nothing else.
We grabbed our stuff and clothed ourselves
*ding*
(Elevator door opening)

Whew.

Of Plans, Hope and Kick

2006-06-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

I hardly plan. Actually, more like never. I was the whatever-happen-happens kind of girl. That was then. I now have plans. Concrete. Definite. Maybe if I wasn't that too unminding before of the future then maybe all the plans that I am planning right now is already sitting there on the top of my palm.

Time is running. I hope it's not too late.

I feel somewhat hopeful today that's why I decided to blog it off. Whew.

Thanks to this person who believes I can make it. It is sad how I am the last person who has confidence in myself. I never did patronize everything that I CAN do. (Not that I can do a lotta things. Haha. There goes my bad self again. Haha.) Sometimes, I need someone to kick me right on the butt and make me realize what I am capable of. Thanks for the kick. My ass is still sore. But it's all good. If ever I lose that hope again, the kick is soo welcome. I am so lousy like that. I need a pusher. Push me. Push it. Push push. Winks.

In Deep Shit

2006-06-12T15:31:00.001-07:00

Tricked.
Ditched.
Dumped.
Fooled.
Pricked.
Screwed.
Trashed.
Pissed off.
Fucked up.
Freaked.
Bored.
Plain bored.
Empty.
Crappy.
Hollow.

BORROWED

2006-06-12T15:03:00.000-07:00

You have stolen my heart
I'm captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I've fallen deeply in love with you
You've heard me say I love you
How do I show you it's true
Hear my heart, it longs for more
Because I've fallen
Deeply in love with you
You and I together forever
Nothing can stand in our way
My love for you grows stronger
Each new day
I've fallen
Deeply
In love with you

-----
This is Pilar's.
Thanks sweetie.

chocoLATE

2006-06-11T12:35:00.000-07:00

OMG. 2am nako nagising. hmmmz. sarap ng tulog ko. haaay. nag-cab tuloy ako. yun. sobrang lagi ako tulog ng tulog. which is unlikely. maybe because nicotine-free nako. yey. :) it's frustrating me that i can't write anything here sa blog. nakakahawa kse ang ibang tao dyan. hahahaha. isip muna ko maisusulat. isip. tekaaaaaaaa. nde ako nagsusulat ng galing sa isip ko, dba? lahat yun, galing sa nararamdaman ko. hmmz. may nararamdaman ako ngayon, pero parang nde ko maipaliwanag. nde ko maisulat dito sa blog. sheeeeeesh.

<3

2006-06-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

"Out Of My League"

it's her hair and her eyes today

that just simply take me away

and the feeling that i'm falling further in love

makes me shiver but in a good way

all the times i have sat and stared

as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair

and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,

with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

coz i love her with all that i am

and my voice shakes along with my hands

coz she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need

and i'm out of my league once again

it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me

as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes

and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise

coz i love her with all that i am

and my voice shakes along with my hands

cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea

but i'd rather be here than on land

yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need

and i'm out of my league once again

it's her hair and her eyes today

that just simply take me away

and the feeling that i'm falling further in love

makes me shiver but in a good way

all the times i have sat and stared

as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair

and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,

with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

coz i love her with all that i am

and my voice shakes along with my hands

cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea

but i'd rather be here than on land

yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need

and i'm out of my league once again

--------------

... the song I want someone to sweep my feet off with.

sweet.

sincere.

real.

...wanting this so bad.

You are the ONLY ONE who CANNOT change my world.

2006-06-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

You can't.
You won't.
I'm sorry.

To me, you are something.
NOTHING.

MORTEM

2006-06-10T13:10:00.000-07:00

Life is short and shorter for some people.

-----
Bibi, I know you love your Papa so much. I wish I was there with you. I know you are in pain. Your pain is mine too. I pray for the repose of your Papa's soul.

Tss.

2006-06-06T16:26:00.000-07:00

Jasper was reading this blog the other day. He came up to me today and said that he liked my posts. Haha. Coming from the person who thinks blogging is crap, that was a good sign. I asked if I sound bitter in that post bout the past, then he said, short and simple, " Not bitter, BETTER." That cracked me up. Haha.

This blog thing is soo hooking me. Addictive. And I'm hooked. Big time. Major. Haha.

and you're ALL that he is NOT

2006-06-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

HE makes me laugh
YOU make me laugh hard

HE gives me flowers
YOU give me love

HE notices the brand of my shirt
YOU notice my hair and nails

HE gives me things
YOU show me beautiful things

HE touches my hand
YOU touch my heart

When I'm sick
HE visits me
YOU stay with me

HE makes my heart beat fast
YOU make my heart flutter

HE holds my hand when we sleep
YOU stay up and watch me sleep

HE respects my decisions
YOU trust my decisions

He makes me feel special
YOU make me feel I am the ONLY ONE special

this is BEB :)

2006-06-05T02:47:00.000-07:00

This is BEB, the fish. She is so cute. She is Marie's. I wanna have a fishee too.

The Beginning of the End

2006-06-04T17:04:00.000-07:00

January 15, 2005.
Our 3rd year anniversary.
No plans.
And I thought, maybe it is like this. When you get to the third year of the relationship, planning on what you two are going to do to make the day somewhat special (or make it SEEM special), isn't really that big of a deal. Right or not? My shift was done. I know he be at home. I called him on the house phone. He answered. "Hi baby, happy anniversary. Magkikita ba tayo?" That was weird. Why did he have to ask if we were going to meet up? We SHOULD see each other, right? But then I let it pass. I said, "I guess. Maybe we could have lunch now before you go to school, or we can meet up later after your class, then I can go home (Batangas) after." Well, to make the story short, we ended up not seeing each other that day. I was disappointed. I went home, blues all over. I didn't text him. I want to let him feel that I'm furious that he didn't insist that we see each other that day. The night passed without us talking. I slept with a heavy heart.

January 16, 2005.
I woke up feeling empty. I reached for my phone on the side of my bed. No text. Tss. That creep didn't even bother. Then he called. He felt the chill in my voice. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked.
"You didn't text me." I said. We argued about it for a good 3 minutes. He said that I was being difficult again. Then he dropped the bomb. "I think we better call it quits." Without thinking, I said, "Ok. This time, I'm going to let it all go. I'm going to let you go." I didn't hear my voice trailed. I was proud of myself. Then he cried. I cried, too. Then that was it.

January 23, 2005.
Beep beep. Text message. "How dare you text RJ. You know he has a girlfriend already." Of course, being the girl that I am, I didn't reply. What for? So, he finally got a girl right after a week we split. Great. That's my cue to let everything go. And I did.

------------
I didn't cry that day I found out that he already got a girl. I didn't wanna. I can remember feeling sad and empty the day after. I can remember how thinking of the good times leaves me aching, a month after. I am done with the sulking, 2 months after. I picked up the pieces, 3 months after. I was back on track, 4 months after. Bullshit you'll say, but it IS true.

The day he started to forget me was the day I started thinking of myself. I decided not to let the past hurt me. Never would I let anything in the future kill me.

For all others who let the past hurts linger up to this day, I have one word for you all: SUFFER.

TRUTH IS...

2006-06-04T14:35:00.000-07:00

you don't mean anything to me
i never really cared about you
you would never ever pass my mind
i would never wanna spend time with you
i hate it when you talk to me
i don't like it when you think of me
i never want you to care for me
i can't stand it when you try to be sweet
i don't want you to like me or make me feel that you like me
i despise you
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
...........
............
.............
..............
...............
................

I LIED.

Haha.

2006-06-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

Nakakatuwa. May nag-hi sa kin na mga pulis. Haha. Papunta ko sa bldg namin kanina ng madaanan ko ang mga pulis. Haha. Pagdaan ko, sabi nila, "Hi ma'am!". Siyempre napatingin ako. Nde ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Maghehello ba ako o ano. Ngumiti na lan ako ng slight. Hehe.
Minsan, nacacaught off guard talaga ako. Yung parang nde ko alam kung ano ba dapat kong sabihin or dapat kong maging sagot sa mga statement. Nakakakinis pag minsan. Pero ganun yata talaga. Haay. Basta. Andami ko gusto sabihin. Pero dedma na. Siguro sa susunod. Sana.

Make Me....

2006-06-03T15:00:00.000-07:00

see the ugly, beautiful
smile
blush
laugh
laugh more
dream dreams
daydream
crack
sad
cry
forget
a child once again
thankful i met you
forget once more
forget who i am
believe
trust you
trust other people
happy
sigh
believe in my existence
exist
your princess
lose myself when i'm with you
try and try harder
love myself
love you
want you
forget who you are
forget what we are when we are together
yours...

My Sunshines.

2006-06-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

MAMI
she brought me in this world. her loving hands took care of me, shielded me from harm, and made me feel loved always. always, always.

DADI
i'm his baby gurl. always am and always will be.

SIBLINGS (my kuya and my baby sister, kathy)
the reason i fight and still wanna fight. they make my everyday existence happy. they are the best.

SISSES (you know who all of you are. winks)
through all the pains, brokenness, heartaches , you all have helped me pick up the pieces. i get my strength from yours. for all the joys and funtimes, cheers! we ARE the best. aint no other bitches in this world bigger than the PHI DELTANS. yey. *giggles*

FRIENDS (you should know if you are one)
i won't choose any other. all of you are more nice than all of other people's friends combined.

***
my love goes out to each one of you.

...?

2006-06-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

~It's gonna be love,
~It's gonna be great
~It's gonna be more than I can take
~It's gonna be free,
~It's gonna be real
~It's gonna change everything I feel
~It's gonna be sad,
~It's gonna be true
~It's gonna be me baby,
~It's gonna be you baby...
~It's gonna be
~It's gonna be love

------
the question:
WHEN is it gonna be?

...

2006-06-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way than this:

where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

---------------------

i know it won't be like this always. no always.

filth within.

2006-06-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

the perfect reflection.
unblemished.
impeccable.
mirror breaks.
figure deformed.
inside flawed.
defaced.
the unmarred surface.
now stained. sordid.

pangarap maging munti. munting pangarap.

2006-06-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

Minsan naisip ko, gusto kong bumalik sa pagkabata. Gusto ko yung simple lang yung buhay, simple lang din mga problema. Nung bata pa ako, problema ko lang eh yung pagpapaalam ko kapag magsswimming kami nung mga classmates ko. Pero lagi din akong hindi pinapayagan. Hmf. Hindi ako masyadong nakakalabas nung bata pa ako. Nde ako nakakagala. Wala. Lagi lang akong nasa bahay. Pero la pa akong mga kung anu anong iniisip nun. Iisipin ko lang ang paggising ng maaga kse malayo ang school na pinapasukan ko sa bahay namin. Kelangan gumising ng 5:00AM, maliligo, magbibihis, magbbreakfast, magttoothbrush, at hihintayin ang service. Ganyan kasimple. Sabagay, la din naman akong pinoproblema ngayon masyado. Pero, alam ko mas simple kapag bata. Sana bata na lang ako. Ayoko na ng problema ng mga matatanda. Nakakapagod kse. Pag matanda ka, marami ineexpect sayo ang mga tao. Mga bagay na minsan nde na ikaw yun, pero dahil yun ang iniexpect ng mga tao, pipilitin mo ang sarili mo na maging ganun. Minsan nde mo na makikilala sarili mo.

Gusto ko lang yung problema ng mga bata. Mga problemang nde kelangan pagisipan masyado, mga problemang malulutas ng kendi, mga problemang nalilimutan dahil sa pagkahapo sa maghapong paglalaro.

one step forward.

2006-05-31T08:29:00.000-07:00

i managed to pull ma right foot.
about to step forward.
and i did it.
one step.
one step is hard.
and you know it.
i see the look on your face.
bewildered.
surprised.
and i was thinking, "you expected this, creep."
then there you were.
standing.
anticipating my next move.
creases on your forehead forming.
cause you see me.
pulling myself back.
this is not for me.
not for us.
not now.
not ever.
never.
i moved two steps backward.
i saw you twitch.
about to do something.
i was thinking, "are you gunna stop me? are you gunna hold me? are you gunna make that one big leap to stop me from leaving?"
but you didn't.
that's it.
that's the last i've seen of you.
thank you.
that one step forward wasn't even for you.

the drama. repost.

2006-05-31T00:48:00.000-07:00

i wus listening to some good stuff the other day. doing the drama all the way. haha. then the song "someday we'll know" played. damn. i wus listening to it. drinkin up every word in it. then i jez realized that it is a lonely song. a song wrapped in all the beat and shit. all "rock" and so i thought. but ye, the song made me feel a lil weird, made me feel sad. damn the drama. haha. but ye.

~Ninety Miles outside Chicago
Can't stop drivingI don't know why
So many questionsNeed an answer
Two years laterYou're still on my mind

haha. look how sad that wus. after two years of being all torn and broken the damn boi still on her mind? or the damn girl on his mind. hmf. sad right?

~Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the 97th time...tonight

haha. 97 times. ye. crazy. tss tss.

~I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow,
I watched the stars crash in the sea,
If I could ask God just one question...
Why aren't you here with me...tonight

sometimes i am askin that too. i am not jez talkin bout the loves i lost. but people i have trusted to be with me during those times i need someone i can pull of the drama wit or someone i want to be gay wit. but ye. there are questions that remain a big lame ass question mark.

leaving now the drama here.

HAPPINES IS....

2006-05-31T00:45:00.000-07:00

when "you" and me sit together and talk.
when "you" and me sit and don't talk, but it's ok, it is just one of those comfortable silences that we share.
when "you" and me share a lollipop.
when "you" and me go watch a movie and go home and watch the same movie on the dvd.
when "you" and me cook our lunch and eat it and finna play with it.
when "you" and me goof around.
when "you" and me bake cookies and give it away to streetchildren.
when "you" and me don't talk because we had a fight and then finna talk because we can't stand hating each other.
when "you" and me look at the stars at night and dream dreams
when "you" and me were with a group of friends having fun.
when "you" and me go to church and pray (me not knowing that you're praying for me and you not knowing i'm praying for you)
when "you" and me dance in the rain
if only..
i have a "YOU"... then that would be happiness.

ASSHOLE

2006-05-30T17:21:00.000-07:00


a person who has mistaken his face for an ass and his mouth, the hole.

whenever he opens his mouth, he farts.

one who would never ever give a fuck

someone who piss on the girl's face after getting into her pants

a person who shut his door to whatever you have to say

one who thinks he is god's gift to all girls

someone i would NOT waste my time on

-----
if you are any of the above mentioned, " YOU DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING THAT I WANT "

MGA SALAWIKAIN NI IAN HAHAHAHA

2006-05-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

Ang taong nagigipit...sa bumbay kumakapit
Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
Pag may usok...may nag-iihaw
Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin... may utang.
No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry
Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot
Ang buhay ay parang bato, it's hard
Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao
Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga.
Kapag may taga, may tahi.
Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
To err is human, to errs is humans.
Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment
Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
Better late than later...
Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo,sa paligid puno ng linga.
Ang sakit ng kalingkingan, kailangan ng alaxan.
Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
Better late than pregnant
Behind the clouds are the other clouds
Do unto others... then run!!!
Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop
Magbiro ka na sa lasing, Magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, 'wag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.
If at first you don't succeed, read the instructions
No man is an island because time is gold
An apple a day.. is too expensive.
An apple a day, makes seven apples a week.
An apple a day cannot be an orange a day.
Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto.. muta lang yan.
Kapag ang puno mabunga...mataba ang lupa!
When it rains...it floods
Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon .. mauubusan din ng kandila
Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw minsan nasa....vulcanizing shop.
Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan... sapul .
Try and try until you succeed... or else try another
Ako ang nagsaing... iba ang kumain. diet ako eh.
Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik .
Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
When the cat is away... the mouse is alone.
Pag may tyaga.. goodluck.

ang iniwan. bow

2006-05-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

mahirap.
ngunit nagawa ng iwan.
isang desisyon.
sumira sa relasyon.
wala na.
wala ng natira.
lahat ay itinapon.
ayaw ng balikan.
di na babalikan.
babay yosi~
hahhahahahhahah

memorial day

2006-05-29T16:42:00.000-07:00

memorial day sa states. non-working holiday. working day for me. hmf.
pero ok na rin kse wala masyado calls. la sila panahon magreport ng accident. well, may paisa-isang call, mga nangangailangan ng roadside assistance or towing. well. bukas pa magtatawagan yung mga yun for sure.
katamad. wala makausap. antok ako pero ayoko umidlip kahit pde nman. may lakad pa after ng shift. maglilibre daw si ace. hahaha. bkit kaya? hmmz. may nangyari bang maganda sa kanya? lolz. mukha. obyus. nakakatawa si ace. parang bata. aayaw ayaw, pero gusto din naman. nakakatawang nakakainis. pero madalas natatawa ako. may kayabangan din tong si ace. ewan ko. kakaiba sya. hahaha. buti na lang d sya mahilig magbasa ng blags. lolz
haay. inaantok ako. sobrang matutulog ako mamaya. kelangan ko bumawi.
hmmz. d daw tuloy ung panlilibre ni ace maya. buti naman. kelangan ko magpahinga. napapagod din ako. napapagod din pla ako.
until next memorial day.

when I first believed in not believing

2006-05-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

How many times did I pray (I do pray still. I know HE listens.)

You'd find me (when? oh when?)

How many wishes on a star (stars are falling, i'm fearing the sky will ran out of em stars)

Gazing off into the dark (it is too damn dark.*sigh*)

Dreaming I'd see your face (even in my dreams you don't exist....)

Safe at home unafraid (will I ever be safe....?)

Captured in your embrace (in someone's embrace?)

So many times (a whole lot, and it is tiring, I swear)

When my heart was broken (who's next to break it? raise your hand)

Visions of you (I've gone blind )

Would keep me strong (I wanna find someone who can make me weak.)

You were with me all along (how come I don't see another pair of footprints on the sand? lolz)

Guiding my every step (step, no, step, yes)

You are all that I am (I am all that you are not)

And I'll never forget (but I wanna forget, I really wanna)

It was you who first believed (but you held it back. sad.)

In all that I was made to be (I was made to be someone I barely know and you would never know, ever. )

It was you looking in my eyes ( but you didn't see it, you missed it )

You held my hand (with that cold hand, I felt the chill)

And showed me life (life I wouldn't wanna live)

And I've never been the same (I will be )

How many times did I prayYou'd find me (my prayer isn't the same)

How many wishes on a star (I realized the sky won't fall out of em stars. But people will get tired of believing, of looking at those stars)

when i say....

2006-05-29T07:06:00.000-07:00

DUN
it means don't
i.e. i dun want that. (i don't want that)

WUS
it means was
i.e i wus there

WUT
it means what
i.e i know wut you want

HAY
it means hey
i.e. hay!

SUP
it means 'what's up?'
i.e. sup gurl?

FA
it means for
i.e. this is fa you

DAYUM, DAME, GODAME, GODAMEIT, GODAMMIT
it means damn/god damn, god damn it

TS
it means 'it is'
i.e. ts what i want

WUT, WUD
it means what
i.e ts wut i want, ts wud i want

FRICK
it means freak
i.e wut the frick is up?

WHERE YOU BE?
it means where are you at right now? or simply, where are you?

YA FEEL ME?
it means 'you know what i'm sayin?'

I FEEL YA/YOU
it means 'i understand/ i know what you're sayin'

IONO
it means i don't know

----------
still thinkin of em terms.
to be edited. haha.

sooper to the dooper. winks.

2006-05-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

if you will ask me if i like you,
me will say "sooper to the dooper"

if you will ask me if i miss you,
me will say "sooper to the dooper"

if you will ask me...
if you will...
ask me....
will you?

*the randomness. feeling it. *

The Mountain that Broke ME. (Jack Twist: Ya know it could be like this, just like this always.)

2006-05-29T05:41:00.000-07:00

Brokeback Mountain. A story of two men who fell into an intense, forbidden, mad, sick involvement.

I've seen the film last weekend. Not on the big screen. Sad.

I liked it. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were perfect.
I've never seen any romantic film so intense as this one.
Watching the film was like opening an extravagant gift, it gets better and better as the story unfolds little by little. You will feel what the characters were feeling. I felt the deep thing going between the two of them.
The film didn't make me cringe. Seeing two perfectly gorgeous men making out didn't bother me at all.
It wasn't the making out that MADE the movie. It is the purest of the feelings they have for each other.
For me, this movie is not about two men making a complete fool of themselves, who engaged themselves in a horrid kind of relationship, but about two individual having something beautiful, something extraordinary, something beyond special .
Same sex relationship is something that would be hard for me to get used to (or never will get used to). But the film moved me and honestly, made me realize that those 'bizarre' relationships are not that disturbing and can be beautiful too (not that I intend to get myself involved in one).

This film can move you into higher places, or plainly will move you. The feeling lingers towards the end and even after watching it. I would never ever forget the look on Jack's face when he said goodbye to Ennis. That was the last they've seen of each other. Jack died. Ennis was alone in his trailer, keeping their shirts. This part was truly heartbreaking. I felt Ennis' sadness. This is truly a masterpiece. A movie so simple, yet so perfect.

Let me include here some of the reviews I found:

"Many movies have left me excited, intrigued and sad. But none have left me as emotionally devastated as Brokeback has. It's as if the movie insinuated itself around my very soul and wrapped its grief around my unsuspecting heart – leaving it heartbroken ever since. The beauty of this movie is that it makes the characters seem so real, so live and their pain so raw, that the sorrow that permeates the story – hinted at first in the display of the most beautiful desolated sceneries, together with a melancholic music score, sneaks in your head, and unknowingly but quite forcefully takes hold of your body and soul and never seems to let them go."

"This was a wonderful work from Ang Lee. To portray this movie in such a delicate, sensitive way merits all ovations it gets. During an interview, Ang Lee said that when casting, he decided to go after young and innocent. That choice has really paid off here because in a way that's why the movie works: because to find love when one is so young, so innocent, that is the purest kind of love. When tragedy hits later on the movie, and somehow we kind of expect that from the start, the only thing that remains out of this now flawed, resentful relationship is a sense of love. But Jack and Ennis' souls have been irremediably broken."

"That movie is one of the kind you do not get to see that often: Pittoresque, emotional, touching, and all that without being cheesy or corny. A quiet, gentle story about two people falling in love, absolutely believable, because honest and deep. "

-----

For those of you insistent that this movie is crap I highly recommend that you please do NOT see this movie....you will hate it, and you will hate yourself for wasting your time and money.....You simply will not "get it", and you never will. Like a newly found buried treasure, this should only be awarded to those fortunate few who will value it's raw power.

a stick in between

2006-05-28T03:34:00.000-07:00

i should have known
i shouldn't have been
like a stick in between

i clenched my teeth
when rose petals fall
my balled fist hidden

holding back everything
holding back

my heart ripped
can't do nothin

i don't wanna be here
i don't wanna be me
i don't wanna be there
i don't wanna be

i need answers
for questions i can't find
why
how
another why
some more why
throw it all

i didn't realize
everything was a blur
how i got here
where i am now
this is where i have never been
i am a stick in between

BLOGGING: documenting a memory

2006-05-26T22:56:00.001-07:00

jasper asked me why i do this blog thing. i was silenced for a minute there. he be like,"you are not even writing good stuff, those were craps", followed by an annoying laugh. hmf. i told him, i pour my heart out to my blog, every hurt, every memory. my blog can feel, it sometimes drops a tear, cracks a laughter and sometimes hides a smile.

i started this blog thing just to have something to do while slacking. but it holds something deeper now. not just a slack-time crap. i want my blog to be like an extension of my memory. the happy ones, the sad ones, the scary ones. i wanna document every memory. this will somehow remind me of the fun times, the shitty times and the no nothing times. and there would be some memories i wanna keep forever. i can keep it forever here in my blog. i can just go to my blog, look up for that memory and somehow travel back in time and feel the same feelings i felt when i was there at that moment. it might not bring back the exact feelings i felt that time, but i know it is just there, i can grab that feeling back anytime.

ONE FINE CALL

2006-05-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

maleen: thank you for calling gmac...... this is maleen,how can I help you?
caller: hi, this is thomas calling in behalf of mr chan. this is in regards to the accident last wednesday.
maleen: oh. is mr. chan alright?
caller: ye, ye. he is fine, but his car is not. it's totalled.
maleen: aww. im sorry to hear that. has this incident been reported yet?
caller: i dunno. let me give u the policy number. just wait one minute, let me grab my reading glass i can't read this policy number.
maleen: ok. take your time, thomas. (punta sa irc, chat chat chat, haha)
caller: ok i got it. policy number is **********
maleen: ok that's ********** right?
caller: yes.
maleen: (while typing it on the system) so what's the name of the policyholder?
caller: chun chan.
maleen: ok. you said that the accident happened last wednesday, the 24th right?
caller: yes yes wednesday.
maleen: you know what thomas, i am lookin at the files here and i see that there's already a claim set up for that accident date.
caller: o yea?
maleen: yep. so what i'm gonna do is ima give you the claim number and the name of the representative who would be handling that claim.
caller: ok ok. let me grab a pen here.
maleen: ok. just tell me when you're ready. (balik chat ulit)
caller: ok, what is the claim number?
maleen: the claim number is ******* and let me give you the name of the claims representative who would be handling this claim.
caller: ok?
maleen: the name is michele aquino. that's michele, m-i-c-h-e-l-e.....
caller: ok that's m-i-c-h-el-l
maleen: it's actually m-i-c-h-e-l-e
caller: oh. im sorry im on the cellphone and your cutting in and out, please bear wit me.
maleen: oh, that's no problem. so, u got the name already, thomas?
caller: yeah.
maleen: ok, the last name is aquino,a-q-u-i-n-o
caller: ok, a-q-u-i-n-o. aquino. i got that.
maleen: (laughing like a lady) yeah. that's right.
caller: ok, what's her extension?
maleen: her phone number is, 1-888-***-**** at extension ****
caller: ok. let me read that back to you. let me see if i got that right. 1-888-***-**** extension number ****
maleen: that's correct. you can just call that number by monday if you need the details of this claim, ok?
caller: (shouting to mr chan) she said you can call the adjuster on monday. (getting back to me) he wanna ask if he can have rentals.
maleen: ok, let me check if his policy covers a rental vehicle.
caller: ok (to mr. chan) she is checking if you can have rentals
maleen: i'm looking on his policy now, but there is no rental coverage. i'm sorry but the policy won't be covering rentals.
caller: ok (to mr. chan) you would have to pay for the rentals. (to me) ok now, can you please check what time michele is coming in for work on monday?
maleen: oh thomas, it's memorial day on monday, it's a holiday, so you can try calling her by tuesday, and let me check on her schedule.
caller: oh ye, it's memorial day.
maleen: ok, she will be in the office by 8am til 530pm.
caller: ok. let me check if all the information i have here is correct. the claim number is *******
maleen: right.
caller: and the adjuster's name is....... blah blah blah and the number is.... yada yada yada..
maleen: (with a valley girl accent) yep. you got all the information right. so, is there anything else i can help you with?
caller: can i have your name again?
maleen: my name is maleen (i say it like, mey-lin)
caller: oh maleen. can you spell that please?
maleen: oh yes. that's m-a-l-e-e-n.
caller: o right. i suppose you're the only one with that name there right? (laughin)
maleen: absolutely thomas. (laugh laugh laugh)
maleen: ok, thomas, would there be anything else that you need?
caller: well, maleen, just put a smile on your face and that should do it. i got everything that i need.
maleen: aww. thank you so much. ok, so that'd be it. thank you for calling gmac, you have a good night, and enjoy your weekend. (with a smile on the voice and of course valley girl accent haha)
caller: you too!

***if all my calls were like this, i can live my life on the phones 24/7.

paint em pretty, save money. lmao.

2006-05-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

i am so fond of painting my nails or havin em painted on. i really dunno why, but i really like to see ma nails having some pretty stuff going in them. i used to do it by myself. when i get home from work, i will take a shower then put ma clothes on, then sit right there on that spot in the room and start cleaning ma toes ( i start from the foot then ma hands). before, i don' t plainly paint colors on ma nails. i would do some designs and stuff. i dunno, but i feel pretty when i have pretty nails. haha. then lately, i can't seem to find time to do that no more. sad. but what i do now is have them painted on. haha. that means i got the money now to support my 'kaarterhan'. but well. i got the money too before. as i have told you, i pay someone else to do it for me now. there's this lady who do home service back home in batangas, and what she does wit ma nails is soooo pretty. she can make a lil white flower on each toenail and each fingernail. amazing, right? a lotta people think it's cute. i think so too. *giggles* but i kno, i can do that too. i can make those lil white flowers and i could save the money i'm paying that lady. hmmmz. and i can remember how i enjoy painting my nails. and i feel proud of myself after, for doing such a good job and for being creative. yeye.
money really takes away the good stuff sometimes. you know how fun it is to wash dishes right? but what happen now is we buy a dishwasher and lose the fun. we get to have the coffee maker that we wanted and lose the great time making a coffee.
i think i wanna have the fun back.
ima save some money.
ima get the fun.
ima get ma toenails and fingernails happy.
ima make my day pretty.
hahaha.

ANGST

2006-05-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

don't you just hate it when you feel like you are being taken for granted by those people you care about? and when that happens, don't you feel like you want to punch them on the face to make them realize that you exist? or you want to punch yourself in front of them to let them know that u CAN feel? i really don't know if these people are just plain insensitive (or i am being overly sensitive) iono. i've been pretty sensitive the past few days. i've never felt so alone. well. i said that before. haha. but ye, i somehow feel that way again. i dunno.

it sucks when u are alone.

it double sucks when u feel alone in a crowded room.

TRIAL AND ERROR

2006-05-25T10:26:00.001-07:00

trial and error.
at last.
the blog is a-ok now.
omg.
taylor won sa AI.
well.....
now i can see~
i can hear him damnnnn
maybe he needs it more than kat
cuz kat can exist even without the title
*sigh*
ok ok.
ibahin natin.
HE won.
maybe HE doesn't need me really.
and i CAN exist without HIM.
*applause*
WE tried.
ganyan.
parang pagcreate ng blog.
trial and error.
although
sa ating dalawa may malaking ERROR sign.
like screaming, "tama na! tama na kakatry!"
nde uubra ang trial and error. haha.
nakakatawa. naiiyak nako sa katatawa.
naiiyak.
pero nde nako natatawa.

2006-05-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

hmmmz.
the first eva.
la masulat.
haha.
well...
nakikiuso lan.
pa-blog blog kuno.
haha.
eto magiging shock absorber.
yey.
in ferness sa kin, nde na talaga ko nagyoyosi.
hehe.
kaya blogs na lan ako pag break.
yeye.
:)
winks.

MAL'SrandomSPACE

Mariah's

Over.

It was 1999

Boredom.

Mal is Back.

Zzzzz

Sick..NOT (no more)

Bummer.

So Sick.

COLDs.

:D

The Tummi Butterflies.

Im back....

The Trip.

G4H here anyone interested?????

Supergurl will kick your butt Green Lantern. Ha!

From a friend who will finna invent something for MAC and will give me that gorgeous set of MAC I want. :)

Let's get rich.

The stoop is back, son!

Life is AMPEYR.

Hmf.

my trip

*SIKE*

POOP.

Tutti Fruiti

[none]

my new

It is NO FAIR fa real. Tss tss.

long forgotten.

Hmmm.

CLICKitey click click.

Profound love: nowhere to be found; extinct

*

what is.....

I am happy when they are.

hmmmF(uck!)

what has been goin on

july realli is a rainy month.

true???

***

MOM

Y'all

<3

**

The Wishes.

**

and the countdown begins.....

Brakes on Please, Focus, then Breathe.

pinxiee

I realized....

untitled

Current State

S E X

Of Plans, Hope and Kick

In Deep Shit

BORROWED

chocoLATE

<3

You are the ONLY ONE who CANNOT change my world.

MORTEM

Tss.

and you're ALL that he is NOT

this is BEB :)

The Beginning of the End

TRUTH IS...

Haha.

Make Me....

My Sunshines.

...?

...

filth within.

pangarap maging munti. munting pangarap.

one step forward.

the drama. repost.

HAPPINES IS....

ASSHOLE

MGA SALAWIKAIN NI IAN HAHAHAHA

ang iniwan. *bow*

memorial day

SIKE

ang iniwan. bow