one step forward.
i managed to pull ma right foot.
about to step forward.
and i did it.
one step.
one step is hard.
and you know it.
i see the look on your face.
bewildered.
surprised.
and i was thinking, "you expected this, creep."
then there you were.
standing.
anticipating my next move.
creases on your forehead forming.
cause you see me.
pulling myself back.
this is not for me.
not for us.
not now.
not ever.
never.
i moved two steps backward.
i saw you twitch.
about to do something.
i was thinking, "are you gunna stop me? are you gunna hold me? are you gunna make that one big leap to stop me from leaving?"
but you didn't.
that's it.
that's the last i've seen of you.
thank you.
that one step forward wasn't even for you.
the drama. repost.
i wus listening to some good stuff the other day. doing the drama all the way. haha. then the song "someday we'll know" played. damn. i wus listening to it. drinkin up every word in it. then i jez realized that it is a lonely song. a song wrapped in all the beat and shit. all "rock" and so i thought. but ye, the song made me feel a lil weird, made me feel sad. damn the drama. haha. but ye.
~Ninety Miles outside ChicagoCan't stop drivingI don't know whySo many questionsNeed an answerTwo years laterYou're still on my mindhaha. look how sad that wus. after two years of being all torn and broken the damn boi still on her mind? or the damn girl on his mind. hmf. sad right?
~Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?Or what the wind says when she cries?I'm speeding by the place that I met you For the 97th time...tonighthaha. 97 times. ye. crazy. tss tss.
~I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow,I watched the stars crash in the sea,If I could ask God just one question...Why aren't you here with me...tonightsometimes i am askin that too. i am not jez talkin bout the loves i lost. but people i have trusted to be with me during those times i need someone i can pull of the drama wit or someone i want to be gay wit. but ye. there are questions that remain a big lame ass question mark.
leaving now the drama here.
HAPPINES IS....
when "you" and me sit together and talk.
when "you" and me sit and don't talk, but it's ok, it is just one of those comfortable silences that we share.
when "you" and me share a lollipop.
when "you" and me go watch a movie and go home and watch the same movie on the dvd.
when "you" and me cook our lunch and eat it and finna play with it.
when "you" and me goof around.
when "you" and me bake cookies and give it away to streetchildren.
when "you" and me don't talk because we had a fight and then finna talk because we can't stand hating each other.
when "you" and me look at the stars at night and dream dreams
when "you" and me were with a group of friends having fun.
when "you" and me go to church and pray (me not knowing that you're praying for me and you not knowing i'm praying for you)
when "you" and me dance in the rain
if only..
i have a "YOU"... then that would be happiness.
ASSHOLE
a person who has mistaken his face for an ass and his mouth, the hole.
whenever he opens his mouth, he farts.
one who would never ever give a fuck
someone who piss on the girl's face after getting into her pants
a person who shut his door to whatever you have to say
one who thinks he is god's gift to all girls
someone i would NOT waste my time on
-----
if you are any of the above mentioned, " YOU DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING THAT I WANT "
MGA SALAWIKAIN NI IAN HAHAHAHA
Ang taong nagigipit...sa bumbay kumakapit
Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
Pag may usok...may nag-iihaw
Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin... may utang.
No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry
Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot
Ang buhay ay parang bato, it's hard
Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao
Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga.
Kapag may taga, may tahi.
Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
To err is human, to errs is humans.
Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment
Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
Better late than later...
Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo,sa paligid puno ng linga.
Ang sakit ng kalingkingan, kailangan ng alaxan.
Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
Better late than pregnant
Behind the clouds are the other clouds
Do unto others... then run!!!
Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop
Magbiro ka na sa lasing, Magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, 'wag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.
If at first you don't succeed, read the instructions
No man is an island because time is gold
An apple a day.. is too expensive.
An apple a day, makes seven apples a week.
An apple a day cannot be an orange a day.
Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto.. muta lang yan.
Kapag ang puno mabunga...mataba ang lupa!
When it rains...it floods
Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon .. mauubusan din ng kandila
Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw minsan nasa....vulcanizing shop.
Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan... sapul .
Try and try until you succeed... or else try another
Ako ang nagsaing... iba ang kumain. diet ako eh.
Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik .
Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
When the cat is away... the mouse is alone.
Pag may tyaga.. goodluck.
ang iniwan. *bow*
mahirap.
ngunit nagawa ng iwan.
isang desisyon.
sumira sa relasyon.
wala na.
wala ng natira.
lahat ay itinapon.
ayaw ng balikan.
di na babalikan.
babay yosi~
hahhahahahhahah
memorial day
memorial day sa states. non-working holiday. working day for me. hmf.
pero ok na rin kse wala masyado calls. la sila panahon magreport ng accident. well, may paisa-isang call, mga nangangailangan ng roadside assistance or towing. well. bukas pa magtatawagan yung mga yun for sure.
katamad. wala makausap. antok ako pero ayoko umidlip kahit pde nman. may lakad pa after ng shift. maglilibre daw si ace. hahaha. bkit kaya? hmmz. may nangyari bang maganda sa kanya? lolz. mukha. obyus. nakakatawa si ace. parang bata. aayaw ayaw, pero gusto din naman. nakakatawang nakakainis. pero madalas natatawa ako. may kayabangan din tong si ace. ewan ko. kakaiba sya. hahaha. buti na lang d sya mahilig magbasa ng blags. lolz
haay. inaantok ako. sobrang matutulog ako mamaya. kelangan ko bumawi.
hmmz. d daw tuloy ung panlilibre ni ace maya. buti naman. kelangan ko magpahinga. napapagod din ako. napapagod din pla ako.
until next memorial day.
when I first believed in not believing
How many times did I pray (I do pray still. I know HE listens.)
You'd find me (when? oh when?)
How many wishes on a star (stars are falling, i'm fearing the sky will ran out of em stars)
Gazing off into the dark (it is too damn dark.*sigh*)
Dreaming I'd see your face (even in my dreams you don't exist....)
Safe at home unafraid (will I ever be safe....?)
Captured in your embrace (in someone's embrace?)
So many times (a whole lot, and it is tiring, I swear)
When my heart was broken (who's next to break it? raise your hand)
Visions of you (I've gone blind )
Would keep me strong (I wanna find someone who can make me weak.)
You were with me all along (how come I don't see another pair of footprints on the sand? lolz)
Guiding my every step (step, no, step, yes)
You are all that I am (I am all that you are not)
And I'll never forget (but I wanna forget, I really wanna)
It was you who first believed (but you held it back. sad.)
In all that I was made to be (I was made to be someone I barely know and you would never know, ever. )
It was you looking in my eyes ( but you didn't see it, you missed it )
You held my hand (with that cold hand, I felt the chill)
And showed me life (life I wouldn't wanna live)
And I've never been the same (I will be )
How many times did I prayYou'd find me (my prayer isn't the same)
How many wishes on a star (I realized the sky won't fall out of em stars. But people will get tired of believing, of looking at those stars)
when i say....
DUN
it means don't
i.e. i dun want that. (i don't want that)
WUS
it means was
i.e i wus there
WUTit means what
i.e i know wut you want
HAY
it means hey
i.e. hay!
SUP
it means 'what's up?'
i.e. sup gurl?
FA
it means for
i.e. this is fa you
DAYUM, DAME, GODAME, GODAMEIT, GODAMMIT
it means damn/god damn, god damn it
TS
it means 'it is'
i.e. ts what i want
WUT, WUD
it means what
i.e ts wut i want, ts wud i want
FRICK
it means freak
i.e wut the frick is up?
WHERE YOU BE?
it means where are you at right now? or simply, where are you?
YA FEEL ME?it means 'you know what i'm sayin?'
I FEEL YA/YOUit means 'i understand/ i know what you're sayin'
IONOit means i don't know
----------
still thinkin of em terms.
to be edited. haha.
sooper to the dooper. winks.
if you will ask me if i like you,
me will say "sooper to the dooper"
if you will ask me if i miss you,
me will say "sooper to the dooper"
if you will ask me...
if you will...
ask me....
will you?
*the randomness. feeling it. *
The Mountain that Broke ME. (Jack Twist: Ya know it could be like this, just like this always.)
Brokeback Mountain. A story of two men who fell into an intense, forbidden, mad, sick involvement. I've seen the film last weekend. Not on the big screen. Sad. I liked it. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were perfect.I've never seen any romantic film so intense as this one. Watching the film was like opening an extravagant gift, it gets better and better as the story unfolds little by little. You will feel what the characters were feeling. I felt the deep thing going between the two of them.The film didn't make me cringe. Seeing two perfectly gorgeous men making out didn't bother me at all. It wasn't the making out that MADE the movie. It is the purest of the feelings they have for each other. For me, this movie is not about two men making a complete fool of themselves, who engaged themselves in a horrid kind of relationship, but about two individual having something beautiful, something extraordinary, something beyond special . Same sex relationship is something that would be hard for me to get used to (or never will get used to). But the film moved me and honestly, made me realize that those 'bizarre' relationships are not that disturbing and can be beautiful too (not that I intend to get myself involved in one). This film can move you into higher places, or plainly will move you. The feeling lingers towards the end and even after watching it. I would never ever forget the look on Jack's face when he said goodbye to Ennis. That was the last they've seen of each other. Jack died. Ennis was alone in his trailer, keeping their shirts. This part was truly heartbreaking. I felt Ennis' sadness. This is truly a masterpiece. A movie so simple, yet so perfect.Let me include here some of the reviews I found: "Many movies have left me excited, intrigued and sad. But none have left me as emotionally devastated as Brokeback has. It's as if the movie insinuated itself around my very soul and wrapped its grief around my unsuspecting heart – leaving it heartbroken ever since. The beauty of this movie is that it makes the characters seem so real, so live and their pain so raw, that the sorrow that permeates the story – hinted at first in the display of the most beautiful desolated sceneries, together with a melancholic music score, sneaks in your head, and unknowingly but quite forcefully takes hold of your body and soul and never seems to let them go.""This was a wonderful work from Ang Lee. To portray this movie in such a delicate, sensitive way merits all ovations it gets. During an interview, Ang Lee said that when casting, he decided to go after young and innocent. That choice has really paid off here because in a way that's why the movie works: because to find love when one is so young, so innocent, that is the purest kind of love. When tragedy hits later on the movie, and somehow we kind of expect that from the start, the only thing that remains out of this now flawed, resentful relationship is a sense of love. But Jack and Ennis' souls have been irremediably broken.""That movie is one of the kind you do not get to see that often: Pittoresque, emotional, touching, and all that without being cheesy or corny. A quiet, gentle story about two people falling in love, absolutely believable, because honest and deep. "-----For those of you insistent that this movie is crap I highly recommend that you please do NOT see this movie....you will hate it, and you will hate yourself for wasting your time and money.....You simply will not "get it", and you never will. Like a newly found buried treasure, this should only be awarded to those fortunate few who will value it's raw power.
a stick in between
i should have known
i shouldn't have been
like a stick in between
i clenched my teeth
when rose petals fall
my balled fist hidden
holding back everything
holding back
my heart ripped
can't do nothin
i don't wanna be here
i don't wanna be me
i don't wanna be there
i don't wanna be
i need answers
for questions i can't find
why
how
another why
some more why
throw it all
i didn't realize
everything was a blur
how i got here
where i am now
this is where i have never been
i am a stick in between
BLOGGING: documenting a memory
jasper asked me why i do this blog thing. i was silenced for a minute there. he be like,"you are not even writing good stuff, those were craps", followed by an annoying laugh. hmf. i told him, i pour my heart out to my blog, every hurt, every memory. my blog can feel, it sometimes drops a tear, cracks a laughter and sometimes hides a smile.
i started this blog thing just to have something to do while slacking. but it holds something deeper now. not just a slack-time crap. i want my blog to be like an extension of my memory. the happy ones, the sad ones, the scary ones. i wanna document every memory. this will somehow remind me of the fun times, the shitty times and the no nothing times. and there would be some memories i wanna keep forever. i can keep it forever here in my blog. i can just go to my blog, look up for that memory and somehow travel back in time and feel the same feelings i felt when i was there at that moment. it might not bring back the exact feelings i felt that time, but i know it is just there, i can grab that feeling back anytime.
ONE FINE CALL
maleen: thank you for calling gmac...... this is maleen,how can I help you?
caller: hi, this is thomas calling in behalf of mr chan. this is in regards to the accident last wednesday.
maleen: oh. is mr. chan alright?
caller: ye, ye. he is fine, but his car is not. it's totalled.
maleen: aww. im sorry to hear that. has this incident been reported yet?
caller: i dunno. let me give u the policy number. just wait one minute, let me grab my reading glass i can't read this policy number.
maleen: ok. take your time, thomas. (punta sa irc, chat chat chat, haha)
caller: ok i got it. policy number is **********
maleen: ok that's ********** right?
caller: yes.
maleen: (while typing it on the system) so what's the name of the policyholder?
caller: chun chan.
maleen: ok. you said that the accident happened last wednesday, the 24th right?
caller: yes yes wednesday.
maleen: you know what thomas, i am lookin at the files here and i see that there's already a claim set up for that accident date.
caller: o yea?
maleen: yep. so what i'm gonna do is ima give you the claim number and the name of the representative who would be handling that claim.
caller: ok ok. let me grab a pen here.
maleen: ok. just tell me when you're ready. (balik chat ulit)
caller: ok, what is the claim number?
maleen: the claim number is ******* and let me give you the name of the claims representative who would be handling this claim.
caller: ok?
maleen: the name is michele aquino. that's michele, m-i-c-h-e-l-e.....
caller: ok that's m-i-c-h-el-l
maleen: it's actually m-i-c-h-e-l-e
caller: oh. im sorry im on the cellphone and your cutting in and out, please bear wit me.
maleen: oh, that's no problem. so, u got the name already, thomas?
caller: yeah.
maleen: ok, the last name is aquino,a-q-u-i-n-o
caller: ok, a-q-u-i-n-o. aquino. i got that.
maleen: (laughing like a lady) yeah. that's right.
caller: ok, what's her extension?
maleen: her phone number is, 1-888-***-**** at extension ****
caller: ok. let me read that back to you. let me see if i got that right. 1-888-***-**** extension number ****
maleen: that's correct. you can just call that number by monday if you need the details of this claim, ok?
caller: (shouting to mr chan) she said you can call the adjuster on monday. (getting back to me) he wanna ask if he can have rentals.
maleen: ok, let me check if his policy covers a rental vehicle.
caller: ok (to mr. chan) she is checking if you can have rentals
maleen: i'm looking on his policy now, but there is no rental coverage. i'm sorry but the policy won't be covering rentals.
caller: ok (to mr. chan) you would have to pay for the rentals. (to me) ok now, can you please check what time michele is coming in for work on monday?
maleen: oh thomas, it's memorial day on monday, it's a holiday, so you can try calling her by tuesday, and let me check on her schedule.
caller: oh ye, it's memorial day.
maleen: ok, she will be in the office by 8am til 530pm.
caller: ok. let me check if all the information i have here is correct. the claim number is *******
maleen: right.
caller: and the adjuster's name is....... blah blah blah and the number is.... yada yada yada..
maleen: (with a valley girl accent) yep. you got all the information right. so, is there anything else i can help you with?
caller: can i have your name again?
maleen: my name is maleen (i say it like, mey-lin)
caller: oh maleen. can you spell that please?
maleen: oh yes. that's m-a-l-e-e-n.
caller: o right. i suppose you're the only one with that name there right? (laughin)
maleen: absolutely thomas. (laugh laugh laugh)
maleen: ok, thomas, would there be anything else that you need?
caller: well, maleen, just put a smile on your face and that should do it. i got everything that i need.
maleen: aww. thank you so much. ok, so that'd be it. thank you for calling gmac, you have a good night, and enjoy your weekend. (with a smile on the voice and of course valley girl accent haha)
caller: you too!
***if all my calls were like this, i can live my life on the phones 24/7.
paint em pretty, save money. lmao.
i am so fond of painting my nails or havin em painted on. i really dunno why, but i really like to see ma nails having some pretty stuff going in them. i used to do it by myself. when i get home from work, i will take a shower then put ma clothes on, then sit right there on that spot in the room and start cleaning ma toes ( i start from the foot then ma hands). before, i don' t plainly paint colors on ma nails. i would do some designs and stuff. i dunno, but i feel pretty when i have pretty nails. haha. then lately, i can't seem to find time to do that no more. sad. but what i do now is have them painted on. haha. that means i got the money now to support my 'kaarterhan'. but well. i got the money too before. as i have told you, i pay someone else to do it for me now. there's this lady who do home service back home in batangas, and what she does wit ma nails is soooo pretty. she can make a lil white flower on each toenail and each fingernail. amazing, right? a lotta people think it's cute. i think so too. *giggles* but i kno, i can do that too. i can make those lil white flowers and i could save the money i'm paying that lady. hmmmz. and i can remember how i enjoy painting my nails. and i feel proud of myself after, for doing such a good job and for being creative. yeye. money really takes away the good stuff sometimes. you know how fun it is to wash dishes right? but what happen now is we buy a dishwasher and lose the fun. we get to have the coffee maker that we wanted and lose the great time making a coffee. i think i wanna have the fun back. ima save some money.ima get the fun. ima get ma toenails and fingernails happy.ima make my day pretty. hahaha.
ANGST
don't you just hate it when you feel like you are being taken for granted by those people you care about? and when that happens, don't you feel like you want to punch them on the face to make them realize that you exist? or you want to punch yourself in front of them to let them know that u CAN feel? i really don't know if these people are just plain insensitive (or i am being overly sensitive) iono. i've been pretty sensitive the past few days. i've never felt so alone. well. i said that before. haha. but ye, i somehow feel that way again. i dunno.
it sucks when u are alone.
it double sucks when u feel alone in a crowded room.
TRIAL AND ERROR
trial and error. at last. the blog is a-ok now. omg. taylor won sa AI. well.....now i can see~i can hear him damnnnnmaybe he needs it more than katcuz kat can exist even without the title*sigh*ok ok. ibahin natin.HE won. maybe HE doesn't need me really. and i CAN exist without HIM. *applause*WE tried. ganyan. parang pagcreate ng blog. trial and error. althoughsa ating dalawa may malaking ERROR sign. like screaming, "tama na! tama na kakatry!"nde uubra ang trial and error. haha. nakakatawa. naiiyak nako sa katatawa. naiiyak. pero nde nako natatawa.
hmmmz.
the first eva.
la masulat.
haha.
well...
nakikiuso lan.
pa-blog blog kuno.
haha.
eto magiging shock absorber.
yey.
in ferness sa kin, nde na talaga ko nagyoyosi.
hehe.
kaya blogs na lan ako pag break.
yeye.
:)
winks.
