MAL'SrandomSPACE

The Wishes.

Sony VAIO VGN-FS850P/W 15.4" Notebook PC

**i soo like this.

P990

**beautiful

wishing on the rainbow..

posted by Miss Mal @ Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2 Comments

**

the SECRET to be happi:

NEVER EVER GET USED TO ANYTHING.

posted by Miss Mal @ Monday, June 26, 2006 0 Comments

and the countdown begins.....

5 more sleeps and it's my bornday. Gawd. I will be turning 23. Gonna turn into an old fart. Hmf. But that's ok. Age is just a number and so they say (and Ima scream it fa real!). Haha.

The past year has been great. It brought a lot of good things. I was sad every once in a freaky while. I am so used to it by now, so fuck it, I don't care. Haha. Isn't it amazing that at that time I was at my saddest, I was able to put on a smile on my dorkyzoidy face? And I'm telling you it ain't easy to front like that. It takes effort and of course, (ehem) talent. Winks.

Here's the list of the things I was thankful for the past year:

*Having the best family in the whole world. Mine's not the perfect little family but it sure is the one I would still want if I have to live again.

*Having my sisses through the thinnest of the thick and the thickest of the thin. Tsup tsup.

*Having my Beb and Bibi. I am sooo missing you two. Snifflez.

*Being able to go back to the basicness of life in my pretty little hometown.

*Being able to experience the minimum wage, other people so hated. It made me realize money's worth.


Time flies so fast. I don't know if I lived my life as a 22-year-old-fag like a fag would. Haha. I made some pretty big decisions this year. I made some mess. I made some stupid mistakes. Good thing is that I got another year to spend to do the bitch trip. Yey. Haha.

Well, for whatever, I lift it all up to Him.

I hope this year will bring me luck. I need it.

I still have 5 more days to enjoy my bein 22. Hmm. And yes, the last 5 days, I'm gonna be spending working. Sounds fun. *gwark*

Cumon people, make the 5 days left special. *wink wink*

posted by Miss Mal @ Sunday, June 25, 2006 2 Comments

Brakes on Please, Focus, then Breathe.

I cAn't heLp it.






h

o

o

k

e

d






I don't wAnt anyone eLse.






you kno it.
so, believe it.
then claim it.
hmf.

posted by Miss Mal @ Sunday, June 25, 2006 2 Comments

pinxiee

this is my new babii. yey. hihi. i thought of a name for her just now. PINXIEE. hihi. yes. wit 2 E's. winks. she is pretty and i love her.



***And ye. I can't think of what to write. And ye, I am a loser. Bummer. hmf.

posted by Miss Mal @ Saturday, June 24, 2006 2 Comments

I realized....

I don't want someone who can make my heart beat fast.
What I want is someone who can make it skip a beat.
Make it skip. Skip. Skip.

posted by Miss Mal @ Wednesday, June 21, 2006 0 Comments

untitled

I didn't cry.
Coz I didn't wanna.
I went outside.
It is raining.
Cats and dogs.
I looked around.
The place not damped.
But my eyes were.
Poop.
I said, I will never cry.
But you made me.
Or I made me.
I will never do it again.
I will never say never.
Ever.

posted by Miss Mal @ Wednesday, June 21, 2006 2 Comments

Current State

BLISS. Function: noun. Text: a feeling or state of well-being and contentment
im lovin it. yes. mcdonalds.(and i say it like 'mikdonalds') haha.

**i like how my tounge curls whenever i say this word.

posted by Miss Mal @ Sunday, June 18, 2006 2 Comments

S E X

Your eyes burning with desire.
I reached for your shivering hands
You grabbed my arm
I can hear your heart thumping
Sweats forming on your temple
We fell into a passionate embrace
I can feel the heat of your breath on my skin
I felt your tounge touching the curve of my neck
I shivered
Temperature rising
Down you went on kissing my shoulders
You want me
So bad
Then your lips met mine
My tounge ached for yours
Then finally found its way to get twisted with yours
Our hands found a way to uncover every inch of our body
Then we stand there both naked
Still lost
Lip locked
My body aches for more
More of that kiss and something else
His fingers slowly slid from my crown
Trailing a sensous line on my back
My body jerked from the sensation
He cupped my breast
I jerked even more
I ached for more
My back hit the floor
His body on me
He trailed kisses from my lips to my breast
His tounge swirling on top
I felt my body shaking
I moaned, begging for him not to stop
That ignited him
He submitted to my moans
I can feel his hardness
I felt it
Wanted it
And he knew from how my body responded to his touches
He knew what to do
Our body now locked
Him inside me
Myself going crazy
We moved to the beat
The rythm was just right
My inside exploding
That one final thrust made us free
It was so good
Fuck, it was
It was fuck.
Nothing more, nothing else.
We grabbed our stuff and clothed ourselves
*ding*
(Elevator door opening)

Whew.

posted by Miss Mal @ Tuesday, June 13, 2006 9 Comments

Of Plans, Hope and Kick

I hardly plan. Actually, more like never. I was the whatever-happen-happens kind of girl. That was then. I now have plans. Concrete. Definite. Maybe if I wasn't that too unminding before of the future then maybe all the plans that I am planning right now is already sitting there on the top of my palm.

Time is running. I hope it's not too late.

I feel somewhat hopeful today that's why I decided to blog it off. Whew.

Thanks to this person who believes I can make it. It is sad how I am the last person who has confidence in myself. I never did patronize everything that I CAN do. (Not that I can do a lotta things. Haha. There goes my bad self again. Haha.) Sometimes, I need someone to kick me right on the butt and make me realize what I am capable of. Thanks for the kick. My ass is still sore. But it's all good. If ever I lose that hope again, the kick is soo welcome. I am so lousy like that. I need a pusher. Push me. Push it. Push push. Winks.

posted by Miss Mal @ Tuesday, June 13, 2006 0 Comments

In Deep Shit

Tricked.
Ditched.
Dumped.
Fooled.
Pricked.
Screwed.
Trashed.
Pissed off.
Fucked up.
Freaked.
Bored.
Plain bored.
Empty.
Crappy.
Hollow.

posted by Miss Mal @ Monday, June 12, 2006 0 Comments

BORROWED

You have stolen my heart
I'm captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I've fallen deeply in love with you
You've heard me say I love you
How do I show you it's true
Hear my heart, it longs for more
Because I've fallen
Deeply in love with you
You and I together forever
Nothing can stand in our way
My love for you grows stronger
Each new day
I've fallen
Deeply
In love with you

-----
This is Pilar's.
Thanks sweetie.

posted by Miss Mal @ Monday, June 12, 2006 0 Comments

chocoLATE

OMG. 2am nako nagising. hmmmz. sarap ng tulog ko. haaay. nag-cab tuloy ako. yun. sobrang lagi ako tulog ng tulog. which is unlikely. maybe because nicotine-free nako. yey. :) it's frustrating me that i can't write anything here sa blog. nakakahawa kse ang ibang tao dyan. hahahaha. isip muna ko maisusulat. isip. tekaaaaaaaa. nde ako nagsusulat ng galing sa isip ko, dba? lahat yun, galing sa nararamdaman ko. hmmz. may nararamdaman ako ngayon, pero parang nde ko maipaliwanag. nde ko maisulat dito sa blog. sheeeeeesh.

posted by Miss Mal @ Sunday, June 11, 2006 0 Comments

<3

posted by Miss Mal @ Saturday, June 10, 2006 0 Comments

You are the ONLY ONE who CANNOT change my world.

You can't.
You won't.
I'm sorry.


To me, you are something.
NOTHING.

posted by Miss Mal @ Saturday, June 10, 2006 2 Comments

MORTEM

Life is short and shorter for some people.

-----
Bibi, I know you love your Papa so much. I wish I was there with you. I know you are in pain. Your pain is mine too. I pray for the repose of your Papa's soul.

posted by Miss Mal @ Saturday, June 10, 2006 0 Comments

Tss.

Jasper was reading this blog the other day. He came up to me today and said that he liked my posts. Haha. Coming from the person who thinks blogging is crap, that was a good sign. I asked if I sound bitter in that post bout the past, then he said, short and simple, " Not bitter, BETTER." That cracked me up. Haha.

This blog thing is soo hooking me. Addictive. And I'm hooked. Big time. Major. Haha.

posted by Miss Mal @ Tuesday, June 06, 2006 6 Comments

and you're ALL that he is NOT

HE makes me laugh
YOU make me laugh hard

HE gives me flowers
YOU give me love

HE notices the brand of my shirt
YOU notice my hair and nails

HE gives me things
YOU show me beautiful things

HE touches my hand
YOU touch my heart

When I'm sick
HE visits me
YOU stay with me

HE makes my heart beat fast
YOU make my heart flutter

HE holds my hand when we sleep
YOU stay up and watch me sleep

HE respects my decisions
YOU trust my decisions

He makes me feel special
YOU make me feel I am the ONLY ONE special

posted by Miss Mal @ Tuesday, June 06, 2006 10 Comments

this is BEB :)

This is BEB, the fish. She is so cute. She is Marie's. I wanna have a fishee too.

posted by Miss Mal @ Monday, June 05, 2006 11 Comments

The Beginning of the End

January 15, 2005.
Our 3rd year anniversary.
No plans.
And I thought, maybe it is like this. When you get to the third year of the relationship, planning on what you two are going to do to make the day somewhat special (or make it SEEM special), isn't really that big of a deal. Right or not? My shift was done. I know he be at home. I called him on the house phone. He answered. "Hi baby, happy anniversary. Magkikita ba tayo?" That was weird. Why did he have to ask if we were going to meet up? We SHOULD see each other, right? But then I let it pass. I said, "I guess. Maybe we could have lunch now before you go to school, or we can meet up later after your class, then I can go home (Batangas) after." Well, to make the story short, we ended up not seeing each other that day. I was disappointed. I went home, blues all over. I didn't text him. I want to let him feel that I'm furious that he didn't insist that we see each other that day. The night passed without us talking. I slept with a heavy heart.

January 16, 2005.
I woke up feeling empty. I reached for my phone on the side of my bed. No text. Tss. That creep didn't even bother. Then he called. He felt the chill in my voice. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked.
"You didn't text me." I said. We argued about it for a good 3 minutes. He said that I was being difficult again. Then he dropped the bomb. "I think we better call it quits." Without thinking, I said, "Ok. This time, I'm going to let it all go. I'm going to let you go." I didn't hear my voice trailed. I was proud of myself. Then he cried. I cried, too. Then that was it.

January 23, 2005.
Beep beep. Text message. "How dare you text RJ. You know he has a girlfriend already." Of course, being the girl that I am, I didn't reply. What for? So, he finally got a girl right after a week we split. Great. That's my cue to let everything go. And I did.


------------
I didn't cry that day I found out that he already got a girl. I didn't wanna. I can remember feeling sad and empty the day after. I can remember how thinking of the good times leaves me aching, a month after. I am done with the sulking, 2 months after. I picked up the pieces, 3 months after. I was back on track, 4 months after. Bullshit you'll say, but it IS true.

The day he started to forget me was the day I started thinking of myself. I decided not to let the past hurt me. Never would I let anything in the future kill me.

For all others who let the past hurts linger up to this day, I have one word for you all: SUFFER.

posted by Miss Mal @ Sunday, June 04, 2006 14 Comments

TRUTH IS...

you don't mean anything to me
i never really cared about you
you would never ever pass my mind
i would never wanna spend time with you
i hate it when you talk to me
i don't like it when you think of me
i never want you to care for me
i can't stand it when you try to be sweet
i don't want you to like me or make me feel that you like me
i despise you
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
...........
............
.............
..............
...............
................

I LIED.

posted by Miss Mal @ Sunday, June 04, 2006 8 Comments

Haha.

Nakakatuwa. May nag-hi sa kin na mga pulis. Haha. Papunta ko sa bldg namin kanina ng madaanan ko ang mga pulis. Haha. Pagdaan ko, sabi nila, "Hi ma'am!". Siyempre napatingin ako. Nde ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Maghehello ba ako o ano. Ngumiti na lan ako ng slight. Hehe.
Minsan, nacacaught off guard talaga ako. Yung parang nde ko alam kung ano ba dapat kong sabihin or dapat kong maging sagot sa mga statement. Nakakakinis pag minsan. Pero ganun yata talaga. Haay. Basta. Andami ko gusto sabihin. Pero dedma na. Siguro sa susunod. Sana.

posted by Miss Mal @ Sunday, June 04, 2006 13 Comments

Make Me....

see the ugly, beautiful
smile
blush
laugh
laugh more
dream dreams
daydream
crack
sad
cry
forget
a child once again
thankful i met you
forget once more
forget who i am
believe
trust you
trust other people
happy
sigh
believe in my existence
exist
your princess
lose myself when i'm with you
try and try harder
love myself
love you
want you
forget who you are
forget what we are when we are together
yours...

posted by Miss Mal @ Saturday, June 03, 2006 7 Comments

My Sunshines.

MAMI
she brought me in this world. her loving hands took care of me, shielded me from harm, and made me feel loved always. always, always.

DADI
i'm his baby gurl. always am and always will be.

SIBLINGS (my kuya and my baby sister, kathy)
the reason i fight and still wanna fight. they make my everyday existence happy. they are the best.

SISSES (you know who all of you are. winks)
through all the pains, brokenness, heartaches , you all have helped me pick up the pieces. i get my strength from yours. for all the joys and funtimes, cheers! we ARE the best. aint no other bitches in this world bigger than the PHI DELTANS. yey. *giggles*

FRIENDS (you should know if you are one)
i won't choose any other. all of you are more nice than all of other people's friends combined.

***
my love goes out to each one of you.

posted by Miss Mal @ Saturday, June 03, 2006 6 Comments

...?

~It's gonna be love,
~It's gonna be great
~It's gonna be more than I can take
~It's gonna be free,
~It's gonna be real
~It's gonna change everything I feel
~It's gonna be sad,
~It's gonna be true
~It's gonna be me baby,
~It's gonna be you baby...
~It's gonna be
~It's gonna be love

------
the question:
WHEN is it gonna be?

posted by Miss Mal @ Saturday, June 03, 2006 6 Comments

...

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way than this:

where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

---------------------

i know it won't be like this always. no always.

posted by Miss Mal @ Saturday, June 03, 2006 2 Comments

filth within.

the perfect reflection.
unblemished.
impeccable.
mirror breaks.
figure deformed.
inside flawed.
defaced.
the unmarred surface.
now stained. sordid.

posted by Miss Mal @ Friday, June 02, 2006 2 Comments

pangarap maging munti. munting pangarap.

Minsan naisip ko, gusto kong bumalik sa pagkabata. Gusto ko yung simple lang yung buhay, simple lang din mga problema. Nung bata pa ako, problema ko lang eh yung pagpapaalam ko kapag magsswimming kami nung mga classmates ko. Pero lagi din akong hindi pinapayagan. Hmf. Hindi ako masyadong nakakalabas nung bata pa ako. Nde ako nakakagala. Wala. Lagi lang akong nasa bahay. Pero la pa akong mga kung anu anong iniisip nun. Iisipin ko lang ang paggising ng maaga kse malayo ang school na pinapasukan ko sa bahay namin. Kelangan gumising ng 5:00AM, maliligo, magbibihis, magbbreakfast, magttoothbrush, at hihintayin ang service. Ganyan kasimple. Sabagay, la din naman akong pinoproblema ngayon masyado. Pero, alam ko mas simple kapag bata. Sana bata na lang ako. Ayoko na ng problema ng mga matatanda. Nakakapagod kse. Pag matanda ka, marami ineexpect sayo ang mga tao. Mga bagay na minsan nde na ikaw yun, pero dahil yun ang iniexpect ng mga tao, pipilitin mo ang sarili mo na maging ganun. Minsan nde mo na makikilala sarili mo.

Gusto ko lang yung problema ng mga bata. Mga problemang nde kelangan pagisipan masyado, mga problemang malulutas ng kendi, mga problemang nalilimutan dahil sa pagkahapo sa maghapong paglalaro.

posted by Miss Mal @ Thursday, June 01, 2006 7 Comments